I don't even know why I feel the temptation to write here...it feels like a public execution of our love...maybe it's something you are familiar with...but politically, not emotionally...
I don't know how to feel. I cannot make sense of the things you are tring to tell me. If you really love me, why am I hurt so much? Sometimes, I believe, my love for you is more profound. I can count the reasons why I love you...All you can say is that I'm educated and intelligent...I can think of a million others who can fit that description...it's the little things, you know? it's those small silly things that draw one to another...you don't seem to see that...
The life of our relationship was six months. Looking back, I shouldn't be surprised. Most of my relationships, in the past, started to go downhill after half a year of being together. Maybe I am untolerable after that period of time. (I know!- I tend to blame myself first, when things start to go rough.) On a second thought, I always feel like I have tried very hard in this relationship because of my respect and gratitute for you. People in a relationship grow closer in time, we grow apart or actually you grow apart from me. It's reverse in our relationship which makes me wonder where this is going. And you expect me just to accept the situation, to respect your decision not to be with me as often, not to share your daily life, to see me when YOU want to and not to when YOU choose to.
How do my feelings fit into this picture? I cannot adapt to your spontenous plans in a blink of an eye. I want stability, I want predictibility. I can sense that this is not going anywhere positive and constructive.
It's a dilemma - should I give in and accept your rules for this relationship now? Wait till you satisfy our loneliness? When, how long, why?
or should I just accept that I won't be able to live like this as much as I know myself and stop the hurting?
